Do you want to know which parenting style is most encouraged in modern America where parents are frequently warm but also firm with their kids?
Authoritative parenting style is most encouraged in modern America where parents are frequently warm but also firm with their kids.
Paul Feid, my friend who lives with his small family in Utah, told me recently that an authoritative parenting style is very effective.
He said that his two kids learnt bad habits when they were living with their grandma three years ago.
Paul had tried many parenting methods in the past, which did not work. He didn’t give up in his search until he learnt about authoritative parenting style.
He implemented an authoritative parenting style in training his two kids and this helped them drop those bad habits.
In this article, I will share more about authoritative parenting and other important tips with you.
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Let’s go on now.
Authoritative parenting styles are the most positive styles for 21st century parenting.
Authoritative parenting is a parenting style in which parents are both responsive and demanding.
Parents are very involved in helping to solve problems and a lot of attention is paid to the child’s feelings.
When punishing the child, explanations are given so that lessons can be learned.
There are sufficient rules here, the child is not as free as in other parenting styles.
Advantages of authoritative parenting style:
1. Children have more self-confidence in this parenting style, because the opinion of the child is taken into account.
2. It helps children to make sound decisions.
3. It helps the children to build good communication skills with their parents.
Which Parenting Style Is Not Encouraged In Modern America
These two parenting styles are not encouraged in modern America: permissive and Laissez-faire Parenting.
Permissive parenting
In this style, parents are very flexible, compliant and believe in a free approach.
Expectations are low and parents are very responsive here. They focus more on a child’s choices and needs and don’t set many rules.
Disadvantages of permissive parenting:
1. Children get used to going their own way and usually become impulsive.
2. They are not often punished, because they are left free to do whatever they want. This gives them room to learn bad habits.
3. They are left to do things in their own way, like arranging things. This can lead to accidents or injuries.
Laissez-faire Parenting
Parents are warm and involved on the one hand, cool and distant on the other.
They pay little attention to the child, show no interest, allow a lot and no boundaries are set.
Disadvantages of laissez faire parenting:
1.The child’s emotions and feelings are ignored, which makes the child feel that he is not really important in the life of his/her parents.
Children grow up too quickly and have more problems later in life.
2. Children lack support in this parenting style, because parents are not strong in indicating their boundaries and let their child figure out a lot for themselves.
How To Learn Parenting Skills
Here are the ways to learn parenting skills:
1. Support from people in the area
It is quite normal to ask for help with parenting.
Family, friends, neighbors and other parents can provide support, advice and inspiration.
Take advantage of that, because as a parent you don’t have to do it alone.
2. Talk to others
Many parents like to talk to someone about parenting from time to time.
For example, if you have experienced something special with your child. If you’re curious how others would approach something.
Or if you have any doubts or concerns. It is normal that as a parent you do not know everything. It helps if you talk about it.
3. Ask others for help
Many parents could use some practical help.
Think about who you can ask for help in your area. Maybe your parents, your neighbors or a friend can look after your child.
It is quite normal to ask for help in your environment. Most people are probably happy to help you and will not want anything in return.
4. Learn from others
You can learn a lot from watching and listening to other educators.
For example, look in the schoolyard at how a teacher confronts a child about disruptive behavior.
At the childcare center, listen to how the pedagogical employee calms children down by singing songs.
Ask your own parents how you were brought up. You choose what you can use in your child’s education.
5. Be inspired by others
You can also get inspiration for cozy and fun things from others.
You can ask parents at school if they know of fun activities in the area.
You may get craft ideas from a pedagogical employee at the daycare center. Or ask the library staff for reading tips.
You can also get inspiration from Google and social media.
6. Find a buddy family
Some parents have a kind of ‘buddy family’. A family with children of about the same age that you can fall back on, for example, for a short babysitting moment.
And with whom you can discuss parenting situations. This can give a lot of mutual support.
Especially if you are on your own, literally sharing things with them can provide a lot of support.
You could ask the parents of any of your child’s friends, or neighbors, if they feel the same way. Very often you are not alone in this.
Ways to connect with other parents
1. In the schoolyard or at daycare
You often meet other parents in the schoolyard, at your child’s playdates, or at daycare.
Perhaps these parents have the same questions as you.
How do they deal with an angry toddler? What agreements do they make with their child about social media? What do they do with an adolescent who doesn’t tidy up the room?
It’s nice to talk about this and exchange tips.
2. Through the school
You can discuss with your child’s teacher that you would like to get in touch with other parents.
Perhaps there is already attention for this at school, for example during a parents’ evening or a coffee walk-in. Isn’t there? Ask about it.
Maybe someone knows another place in the area where this is organized.
3. Initiatives near you
Meetings with parents are organized in some places. Like a ‘dad cafe’.
Ask the Center for Youth and Family or the neighborhood team in your area about the possibilities.
How To Improve Parenting Skills
Here are how to improve parenting skills:
1. Provide a safe and stimulating environment. This way your child can discover new things that will help him/her to become better.
2. Positive support. Rewarding behavior increases the chance that your child will show the behavior again in the future.
For example, compliment your child when they have cleaned up toys. Or encourage your child to learn new things.
3. Appropriate Rules. Clarity and predictability are important for your child’s development.
Try to set as many clear rules as possible and to explain clearly what you expect from your child.
4. Realistic expectations. Every child develops at their own pace and level, so does your child.
For you as a parent, it is important that your expectations are in line with the development of your child.
Making mistakes is part of it and your child can’t do everything at once.
5. Take care of yourself. It is important that your child is well. But it is also important that you as a parent are doing well.
Take time for yourself, ensure you have a good rest and relaxation. Then you are charged again to raise your child.
It is important for every child to grow up in an environment where they are cared for and protected.
Respecting your child’s independence, providing structure and setting boundaries are also part of parenting.
How Can Parents Improve Their Parenting Skills
Here are how parents improve their parenting skills:
1. Remind yourself of all the good things you do as a parent .
Go and search through your memories, your photos, your anecdotes, all the positive experiences you have had with your child since birth, and compliment yourself on what you are already doing.
And not only the “big things”.
Because what children appreciate the most is often found in very simple daily life: a shared activity, an affectionate atmosphere, being listened to during an argument at school, help with homework and a favorite dish cooked with care.
2. Avoid comparing yourself to others:
To support yourself, you observe how things are going in other families around you.
Don’t forget that other parents are probably trying to put on a good face, certainly failing to tell you how much they can also be heckled by their toddlers.
The comparisons should therefore be put into perspective.
3. Take time to write down something daily:
Before going to bed, at least write one positive experience you have had during the day with your child.
For example, “Today I laughed with my child because he said something very funny”; “today, my child said hello without making a fuss”; “today the children didn’t argue in the bath”, “today the homework was done calmly”, etc.
4. Discuss with other parents who are going through the same difficulties as yours:
For example, with parents of children with learning difficulties if your children have the same problem.
You will find that everyone else is questioning and doubting their skills. Use forums and support groups for parents!
5. Put your parental ideals into perspective:
Each parent has in mind the “ideal parent” they would like to be.
But reality is never like dreams. Learning to put things into perspective is one of the keys to a positive feeling of parental competence.
Set realistic goals that are easier to achieve, which is positive for your feeling of being a good parent.
What Are Some Effective Parenting Skills
Here are some effective parenting skills:
1. Boost your child’s self-esteem
Your children assimilate your tone of voice, your body language and all your expressions.
Conversely, putting down comments or negative comparisons to other children will make them feel worthless.
Avoid biased statements or using hurtful words.
Comments such as “That’s stupid!” or “You act more like a baby than your little brother!” can cause the same damage as physical blows.
Choose your words carefully and be compassionate.
Tell your children that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’t approve of their behavior.
2. Recognize good deeds
Have you ever stopped to think how many times a day you have negative reactions to your children?
You may find that you criticise them far more times than you compliment them.
How would you feel if a boss treated you in such a negative way, even if he meant well?
Be generous with rewards. Your love, hugs, and praise can work wonders. You will soon find that you are “cultivating” more of the behavior that you would like to see.
3. Set rules at home and be consistent with discipline
Setting rules at home helps children understand your expectations and it helps them to develop self-control.
Some rules may include, for example, not watching television until homework is done and not allowing hitting, name calling, or hurtful teasing.
It is recommended that you implement a system: a warning followed by consequences, which can be a penalty or loss of privileges.
A common mistake parents make is not following through on the consequences.
You can’t discipline kids for a bad answer one day and ignore them the next day. Being consistent teaches them what you expect.
4. Make time for your children
It is often difficult for parents and children to gather for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together.
Children who don’t get the attention they want from their parents often overreact or misbehave because that way they’re sure they’ll get their attention.
6. Make communication a priority
You can’t expect kids to do everything just because you “say so” as a parent.
They need and deserve explanations just like adults.
Parents who reason with their children allow them to understand and learn without making value judgments.
7. Be flexible and willing to change your parenting style.
If your child’s behavior frequently disappoints you, it may be because your expectations are unrealistic.
How Can Parenting Skills Affect Children’s Behavior
Here are how parenting skills affect children’s behavior:
Emotional Abuse: Abusing your children emotionally will make them to be incompetent in society or at work.
Overprotective: over protecting your children is going to make them develop low self confidence.
This means that they can’t take risks or think on their own. If you overprotect your children, they won’t be able to make sound decisions.
Constant criticism: Criticism is going to make the children have low self esteem and not trust themselves enough.
Inconsistency: Being inconsistent in the way you give your children corrections is going to confuse and make them feel insecure.
How Can Parenting Skills Be Developed
Here are how parenting skills can be developed:
1. Attending parenting classes or workshops: There are many classes you can attend and learn about parenting.
These classes also teach communication skills to parents, emotional skills and child care. Make inquiries and locate anyone around you.
2. Reading books or articles on parenting: Buy good parenting books and read.
This kind of book will help you with suitable strategies you can implement in raising your kids.
3. Seeking advice from other parents: Read about success stories of other parents. These stories are always available online.
4. Practicing mindfulness and self-reflection: Understanding your own personal emotions and behavior is going to help you to guide your kids properly.
5. Seeking professional help: You can meet a family counsellor to help you with personal issues.
If your kids have behavioural problems, meet a counsellor for immediate help.
What Is The Most Strict Parenting Style
The most strict parenting style is authoritarian parenting.
Authoritarian parenting is very strict and there is no room for discussion, where the child has to do what he/she is told.
10 signs that show that you are too strict as a parent:
1. You have a Zero Tolerance policy
While it is of course very important to have clear rules, it is also important to recognize that there can be exceptions to rules.
Try to evaluate your child’s behavior in the context of the circumstances.
For example, could it be that your child is acting so busy because it’s his birthday tomorrow?
Isn’t he just so excited for his party, all the friends coming or the gifts that await him?
By placing the behavior in a context, you can sometimes overlook things.
2. Your child does lie a lot
It is normal for children to distort the truth a little at times; a white lie must be possible.
Research shows that a very strict upbringing can turn children into good liars.
If you are too strict with your children, chances are that they will lie in an attempt to avoid punishment.
3. Your child has more rules than other children
There is nothing wrong with having different rules than the parents around you.
But, if you’re always the strictest of parents, then your expectations may be a little too high.
4. You have little patience for silliness
Most children love the most stupid and ridiculous jokes and love silly games.
And while those jokes may not always be fun (or even a little annoying) and the silly behavior can sometimes tire you out, it’s important to enjoy the moment and sometimes just have fun.
5. You don’t dare to rely on ‘natural’ consequences
Strict parents often tend to do everything they can to prevent their child from making a mistake.
Children are often able to learn from their own mistakes when faced with natural consequences.
Suppose your child has spent all his pocket money on sweets.
And he finds out that he can’t spend anything else, chances are he’ll learn from his own ‘mistake’ and be more careful with his money next time.
6. You give continuous instructions
Are you constantly saying things like, “Sit up straight,” “Stop dragging your feet,” and “Stop slurping”?
If you continuously use many different instructions, chances are that your child will listen less and less.
Try to save your instructions for important things so that you are listened to better.
7. You don’t offer options
Strict parents often tend to give one-sided commands.
Instead of giving the order to make the bed, for example, you can also ask: “Do you want to throw your clothes in the laundry basket first or are you going to make your bed first?”
8. You like things to go your way
Strict parents like things to be done their way.
For example, they find it very important that children make the bed in the ‘correct’ way, or that their children play with the dollhouse in the ‘correct’ way.
9. You only value the outcomes
Strict parents usually focus on the outcomes of their child’s work, rather than the child’s own efforts.
If your child only gets a boost for a “very good” on their topography test, or for scoring the most goals in football, your child may feel that your love depends on good performance alone.
10. You threaten too often
Strict parents threaten on a regular basis.
It is advisable to avoid making empty threats such as, “Clean your room immediately or I will throw away all your toys”.
In addition, you should keep in mind that you should use discipline in parenting, not necessarily to punish your child.
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Conclusion
Parenting is difficult. You need patience and understanding to be able to train successful children in this generation.