How Do You Discipline an Argumentative Child? (6 Easy Tips)

To discipline an argumentative child, you need to find out why the child is behaving that way.

Maybe the child is unhappy, hurt, needs more love, or needs the attention of the parents.

When our child was four years old, he argued about everything. It was a very bad experience for us.

This happened for a long time until my wife implemented a strategy that worked.

In this article, I will share with you how to discipline an argumentative child.

Let’s get started now!

1. Try to understand why your child is arguing

Encourage the child to talk about what he or she wants and put their feelings into words.

This will help you better understand their reaction.

Additionally, when you take an interest in what your child is experiencing and get them to talk, you allow them to express themselves without arguing.

2. Acknowledge the child’s desire

When a child doesn’t want to stop playing and needs to take a bath, you can say, “I understand you want to play more, but it’s bath time now.”

This doesn’t work like magic, but if the child feels like you get how they feel, they’re more likely to cooperate.

3. Explain to the child the reasons for your request so that he or she understands them well

You can tell the child that because of their age, they need more sleep to feel good and be ready for daycare or school.

4. Give the child choices

You can ask the child, “Do you want to wear the blue pajamas or the green ones?”

Allowing them to make choices gives them a sense of having a say in things.

It doesn’t work every time, but this feeling of control can make some children more willing to cooperate and argue less.

5. Be firm when it comes to rules which you hold

When it comes to safety rules like looking before crossing the street, not running while brushing your teeth, and not swimming alone, if you’re not consistent with these rules, your child might try to bend the rules.

However, it’s important to adjust the rules based on their age and growth.

For instance, you can agree that they’ll stop holding your hand when crossing the street when you believe they’re mature enough to do it safely.

6. Respect your limits without justifying yourself

Make sure your child knows what you want, but don’t keep repeating yourself more than two or three times.

It’s better to calmly say what you want upfront instead of waiting and then yelling to enforce your rules.

For instance, you can say, “I’ve already explained, and you understand. Talking more won’t change it.”

After that, you can choose not to engage in arguments with the child to stop negotiations.

What Causes a Child to Be Argumentative?

Several reasons can explain why a child argues:

1. Getting better at using language

When a child is around 3 years old, they get better at using language.

They can express what they like or don’t like and even repeat things they’ve heard.

So, they might use this to negotiate, like saying, “I don’t want to pick up my toys because it makes me tired.”

2. Toddlers are very self-centered

Toddlers only learn to take into account the point of view of others around 4 or 5 years old.

And it is only around the age of 8 that they begin to be able to truly put themselves in the other person’s shoes, to understand their point of view and their emotions.

3. Because of too many rules

Toddlers might get frustrated because they have to follow many rules and don’t have much control over their daily lives.

To feel more in charge, they will begin to question or test those rules.

4. Children are sensitive to injustice

Children become more aware of their surroundings and are sensitive to things they think are unfair, which can make them argue.

For example, a child might question, “Why do I have to go to bed early while you and mom get to stay up?”

They might also observe that you’re using screens at night, even though they’re not allowed to, and argue that they should be allowed to.

5. It’s in the child’s nature

A child who talks a lot is impulsive, or outgoing might tend to argue more than a quieter or shyer child.

It could be because of their personality or what they’re interested in.

For example, a chatty toddler who learned to speak early might argue more than others.

6. The rules are no longer adapted to the age of the child.

The child can sometimes even be right to argue.

At 6 years old, for example, it is normal for a child to want to choose their clothes alone.

Or again, at 7 years old, it is normal for a child to argue because he or she does not want to hold hands before crossing the street.

7. Children use argument to avoid doing the requested task

Some kids, especially those who are 5 years and older, may use arguing as a way to get out of doing something you’ve asked them to do.

If you give in to their arguments and don’t stand your ground, they’ll learn that arguing can help them avoid doing what you’ve asked.

Behaviors to Avoid During an Argument With Your Child

Certain behaviors and certain words do not help resolve an argument because they only make the conflict worse.

Here’s what to avoid:

1. Don’t be harsh on them

Your child argues when they don’t agree, but it can turn into a way for them to avoid doing what you asked.

It’s better to remind them of your original request, like saying, “I know you don’t want to stop playing, but I asked you to because it’s time to eat.”

2. Don’t respond to your child’s attacks

Sometimes, kids struggle to express their feelings properly and might say hurtful things like “I don’t love you” when they’re upset.

It’s best to ignore these words instead of arguing back, so you don’t make things worse.

Once things have calmed down, you can tell your child, “It hurts me when you say those things. But I understand you were upset. Next time, you can tell me you’re angry instead of saying hurtful words.”

3. Don’t make a big deal out of your child’s actions.

When you’re angry, try not to say things that are too extreme.

Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” say you’re upset because they’re not listening right now.

And instead of calling them a liar or boring, tell them you don’t like it when they tell lies or don’t follow instructions.

4. Avoid arguing

If you keep explaining and arguing with your child, it usually makes things worse.

If you respond to all their arguments, they’ll think they can keep negotiating.

You can tell the child, “You know why I asked you this. The conversation is done. I’m the parent, and I make the decisions.”

5. Avoid threats

Saying, for example, “If you don’t put your toys away, I’m going to throw them away” creates fear and anger in your child, which doesn’t encourage them to listen to you.

Likewise, if you don’t follow through on your words, they will understand that what you say is of no consequence and they will come to think that it is not important to respect what you say.

6. Avoid haggling

Phrases like, “If you get dressed now, you can play on the tablet for 10 more minutes” teach your child that they can negotiate for privileges.

What to Do to Reduce the Frequency of Arguments

To reduce the frequency of Arguments, try to reduce your child’s frustration.

Here’s how to achieve it:

1. Do role play where your child is the parent and you are the child

When your child tells you what to do during playtime, like asking you to take a bath or put away toys, don’t be afraid to play along and say “Later” as they do.

This helps them understand authority in a fun way, which can make it easier for them to follow rules or listen to your requests in real-life situations.

2. Try to spend quality time with your child every day

This could be playing a little game, cooking together, doing a puzzle, or reading a story.

This is a way to show your child that his or her interest is important to you.

If the child’s emotional needs are met, he or she will collaborate more.

3. Make clear requests

When you ask your child to do something, make your request short and clear.

This way, there’s less room for them to argue, and they can easily understand what you want them to do.

For example, saying “Put your bottle on the mat” is much clearer than saying “Pick up the things at the entrance.”

4. Help your child to express their emotions

Help your child learn to talk about their feelings by encouraging them to use words or draw pictures to express how they feel.

For instance, if they’re angry, ask them to draw a picture of that emotion.

This helps them learn how to talk about their feelings.

Instead of just commenting on the artwork, focus on the emotion it shows.

For example, say, “This monster looks really big and very angry, that seems scary.”

Over time, this can help your child express their frustration rather than getting into arguments.

5. Congratulate your child when they respond to a request without argument

When your child does something good, like putting on pajamas without arguing, give them a positive comment like, “Well done! You did it without negotiating, even if you didn’t want to. I like it when it goes smoothly like this, it’s more enjoyable.”

This positive feedback encourages them to do it again.

When they see that the family atmosphere is better and more relaxed when they cooperate, they’re likely to argue less and repeat the good behavior.

6. Talk about your emotions

Emotions are a normal part of life, so don’t wait until there’s an argument to talk about them with your child.

Make it a habit to share how you feel, and encourage other family members to do the same.

It’s okay to talk about both happy feelings (like joy and pride) and not-so-happy ones (like sadness and anger).

For example, during dinner, create a time for everyone to share their best and not-so-great moments of the day.

This helps your child learn to express themselves and prevents negative emotions from building up and causing conflicts later on.

Conclusion

You’ve learned how to discipline an argumentative child and be patient and consistent with the strategies discussed in this article.

This will bring a positive result.