Something about your relationship doesn’t feel right, so you’ve been wondering if you should stay or leave.
There may even be subtle signs that your relationship is over, but still, you can’t help but wonder, “Should I break up with my boyfriend (or girlfriend)?”
In the end, you’ll want to make sure before you choose to end the relationship and move forward.
I am very aware of the feeling.
I had several relationships over the years that went nowhere, but I convinced myself to stay and try them, even when I was already 99 percent sure they wouldn’t work.
But knowing when to break up can save you valuable time and energy, so if you’re wondering about the future of your relationship, looking for sure signs can help you decide what to do next.
Read also: How To Know When Your Marriage Is Beyond Repair (The Sure Signs)
Let’s get started with the signs that your relationship is beyond repair
1. You don’t feel like spending time together
Some people avoid spending time with their partner when the relationship is going through a crisis, preferring to be with family or friends or making excuses not to go home and meet the other person.
Throughout life as a couple, moments may appear when we want to spend time with other people.
This doesn’t have to mean anything negative either.
Now, if spending time with other people is done in a more or less conscious way so as not to spend time with our partner, we must sit down and try to reflect on it and see why this happens to us.
We may feel that we are no longer having fun like before, we may find it uncomfortable for a specific reason or something that has happened, etc.
It is very likely that when we are in moments of crisis we feel emotions such as anger, disappointment, boredom, and sadness, and one way to try to avoid being in close contact with these sensations is to distract ourselves.
Being with other people, friends or family, is an easy way to achieve this.
2. You find it difficult to remember what unites you
In simpler terms, it means that you used to enjoy similar hobbies, thinking patterns, and humor with your partner, but now you’ve grown apart.
You don’t want to do the same things together, and you don’t find the same things funny or interesting anymore.
Over time, the things that brought us together at the start become less prominent.
This is natural because as time passes, we gain new experiences and get to know each other better.
It’s common to feel distant during tough times or when you don’t fully understand each other.
However, the key is to remain patient and remember that the person you fell in love with is still there, and your connection is meaningful.
When we’re stuck in a bad relationship or going through a tough time, we may not want to spend time with our partner, and our hobbies might not feel enjoyable anymore because they remind us of our problems.
Even if one person tries to suggest doing something fun together, the other might not be interested.
If this happens repeatedly, it can be exhausting, and both people might start doing their things.
3. You do not reach agreements when you argue
When you argue, it doesn’t lead to any productive solutions or you argue in a hurtful way.
Arguments are supposed to help you make agreements and improve your relationship, but that’s not happening because neither of you is willing to compromise anymore.
It’s really important to know how to argue well in a relationship.
This means understanding each other’s perspectives, communicating with love, and wanting to solve problems.
If you can’t do this over time, it might make you want to end the relationship because both of you will feel misunderstood and like there’s no effort to fix things.
When you’ve had many arguments in a row, it can be overwhelming.
You might stop giving in because you’re tired of always being the one to do it, or because you don’t think the other person deserves it, and it turns into a battle.
Sometimes, during an argument, one person might ignore the other or agree just to avoid a conversation with different points of view.
Read also: What To Do When Your Marriage Is Beyond Repair
4. The sweet, caring gestures are gone.
Even if some people aren’t naturally affectionate, there are usually small actions that show love, like saying “I love you,” giving a good morning kiss, or surprising with a gift.
If you stop caring about these little gestures, it’s important to think about why that’s happening in your relationship.
Sweet gestures, like little acts of love, can be essential for some people as a way to express “I care about you” or “I love you.”
It’s a clear way of showing affection. But not everyone needs these tangible expressions to show love.
If you’re typically a loving and thoughtful person, and you find it hard to do these things anymore, you should think about why.
It could be tiredness or a sign that you’ve become too comfortable in a stable relationship.
It’s important to reflect on why this is happening.
Sweet gestures are a way to show love and care for someone, trying to make them happy.
When you or your partner lose interest in these sweet gestures, it’s a sign that something might be wrong.
It could be a crisis or the monotony in the relationship, indicating a need to either work on the relationship or consider other options like leaving it.
5. You don’t feel like having sex
You’re not interested in having sex, and this could be because you’ve lost the spark or desire, or it might be covering up more significant issues in the relationship.
Sometimes, these two issues are connected.
As the relationship progresses, the level of excitement and desire in the bedroom changes.
It’s important to be aware of this and have open conversations because what turns you on can shift over time.
If you ignore this, it might be a clear sign that your intimacy with your partner is affected.
From my perspective, it’s one of the most noticeable signs to consider.
During tough times or crises in a relationship, the sexual aspect often suffers.
There’s a study that says that women need about 24 hours to feel like having sex with their partner again after an argument or discomfort, while for men, it can take as little as three minutes to get in the mood.
6. You don’t have plans
If you can’t picture what your life might be like with your partner in the coming years or you can’t imagine a future together, it can be concerning.
This lack of a plan, even in the medium term, is a worrying sign.
This might happen because forming committed relationships is difficult for some.
In other cases, when both people have very different life paths, it makes the relationship complicated and hard to align.
Having shared goals is great for a couple, as long as both are excited and involved.
It doesn’t have to be what society expects, like getting married or having kids.
Choosing not to get married and not have children can also be a valid long-term decision.
When you can’t see a future together or have a joint plan, it’s a clear sign that something is wrong.
It shows that you don’t feel connected to that person and don’t want them in your future.
Read also: How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Beyond Repair (9 Real Signs)
7. You pay more attention to their flaws than their good qualities
This can happen because you’ve changed or lost the connection and shared interests, making their faults seem more important than their strengths.
When all you see in your partner are their flaws, it’s a sign that something might be wrong.
Reflecting on when this started or what caused it is a good idea.
Sometimes, it’s easy to focus on the negatives, but one good quality can balance out many negatives in a relationship.
That’s part of love and the commitment you make when you choose to be with someone.
The real problem arises when you can’t see anything positive in your partner.
I’ve observed that in many couples facing tough times, their minds tend to fixate on the things they don’t like about their partner, whether physical or related to values, behaviors, or preferences.
Not only do they focus on these issues, but they also magnify them.
This creates a cycle of negativity, making you feel irritable and leading to more arguments.
8. You think there is someone better out there
You daydream about living a different life with other people.
It’s not that you can only find your partner attractive, but you often believe there might be someone better out there for you.
Feeling unsatisfied is something many of us experience.
It often comes from our self-created needs or deeper issues based on past experiences.
In a relationship, if both partners aren’t content with themselves or clear about their desires and emotions, they might end up projecting their frustrations onto each other.
If you constantly feel like something is missing and it affects your current relationship, it’s essential to stop and think about what you truly want from the relationship and if your current partner can provide that.
Or if it’s unlikely you’ll reach your goal regardless of who you’re with.
When this happens, it means you’re growing distant from your partner.
It doesn’t mean you can’t reconnect, but the discomfort makes you focus on what you think might be better.
Your mind finds it easier to let go of something that might be painful if it can create a new hope to focus on.
This is a form of self-deception, but it provides temporary relief from the emotions you might be feeling, like anger, frustration, or disappointment towards your partner.
9. You don’t tell each other when something makes you happy or sad.
Discussing priorities can be challenging, but typically, your partner is one of the first people you share both good and bad news with.
However, in this situation, it’s different.
It usually begins with a lack of communication and understanding.
When you share something happy or sad, and your partner doesn’t respond with the affection or empathy you expect, it makes you hesitant to share again.
You feel disconnected from your partner, and you don’t want to open up about the good or bad things, maybe because you’re tired of it, don’t feel like talking, or fear it might lead to an argument or be used against you.
Read also: How to Live With a Spouse You Hate (7 Ways Forward)
10. Your friends and family don’t like your partner
When your friends actively avoid your partner, tell you the relationship isn’t a good idea, or become distant and unhappy when you’re with your partner, it’s a serious sign of trouble.
I’m not talking about one or two friends who might have concerns – this is a widespread issue.
Unless everyone you know is unusually negative, your friends and family, who know you well, can likely see your partner’s true qualities more clearly, without being overly optimistic about them.
11. You seek the approval of others for your partner
If you find yourself constantly trying to make everyone you know like your partner, it’s a red flag.
People in healthy, secure relationships don’t need to convince others to like their partner.
Your relationship should feel natural, without the need to persuade people of your partner’s qualities.
If you’re always seeking approval from your partner, it’s worth asking yourself why.
This need for validation might indicate that there are issues in the relationship that you should consider addressing or even ending.
12. You make excuses to justify your partner’s behavior
If you often find yourself making excuses for your partner, like blaming tiredness, illness, anger, or disliking something or someone, it’s a sign that there are problems in your relationship.
In a healthy relationship, you should feel proud of your partner and how they handle things.
If that’s not the case, it might be a good idea to consider ending the relationship.
Conclusion
No matter what damage has been done to your relationship, it can be repaired if the two of you are in agreement.
If you are not in agreement, the relationship will naturally die off.
Read also: How To Know That You Are In A Fake Relationship (8 Sure Signs)