How Do You Deal With a Child Who Won't Listen and Is Disrespectful? (6 Easy Tips)

You can get your child to listen and respect you by consistently ignoring his or her disrespectful behavior and paying a lot of positive attention to the behavior you do want to see.

In this way, the child learns that obedient behavior will lead to rewarding positive attention, and that oppositional behavior will not lead to attention or help him or her get their way.

If you ask questions like, “Why are you doing this?” When your child misbehaves, you are essentially drawing attention to the child’s negative behavior, increasing the likelihood that it will occur again in the future.

And a very emotional child cannot think rationally about their behavior.

In this article, I’ll share with you how to deal with a child who won’t listen and is disrespectful.

Let’s get started now!

Tip 1: Be respectful of others, especially in the presence of your child.

You are an example for your child.

When you ridicule or treat other people with disrespect in front of your child, that is the example you are showing to your child.

It is therefore important that you always treat people with respect when you are with your child, even when these people are not present at the time.

These examples will make your child more likely to interact with the people around him or her in this way.

Tip 2: Respect your child’s changes.

If you feel that your child no longer respects you, it is important to give your child that respect.

The first step to starting this is to respect the changes in your child.

It is not only a difficult phase for you as a parent, but also for your child.

Numerous hormones are running through the body and your child will discover that he or she can uniquely look at the world.

Learn to stimulate this process and development by respecting these changes.

You can do this by having compassion for the pain the child experiences in this phase.

Through this compassion, you can give respect so that he or she feels respected.

If you belittle your child’s ideas or view them as inferior, your child will also feel inferior.

This feeling of inferiority simply comes from the fact that you do not respect your child’s opinion.

If your child feels that you do not respect him or her, you cannot expect that your child will also respect you for who you are.

So break this by seeing your child as an adult and respecting his or her unique view and actions.

The respect your child gets from you is what he or she can then give back to you and others around them.

Tip 3: Help your child to respect themself.

This is a time when your child is unsure about things.

They need your approval and support to form their thoughts and ideas.

You can help by asking them to explain their opinions, which will help them see if their ideas make sense or become stronger.

If you value their opinions, let them know, and they’ll feel respected.

When they feel respected, they’ll respect you in return.

However, you can’t force respect if your child doesn’t feel respected by others.

To help them feel respected, involve them in discussions and ask for their opinions.

Kids deserve respect, and with teenagers, treat them like adults even if they’re not there yet.

When you treat them with respect, they’re more likely to treat you the same way.

It’s not about being an authority figure, but more like how adults interact with each other.

Earning respect used to be based on parental authority, but times have changed, and that’s why some parents struggle with modern kids’ attitudes.

If your child uses foul language and expresses things with a lot of emotions that could hurt other people or you, make sure you ask questions.

What does your child mean?

It’s not just about the words your child uses or how they feel about them; it’s more about helping them form their own opinions.

Learn to look through these emotions and word choices even if it makes you feel disrespected.

It is often NOT meant personally, but sometimes they take it out on you because you’re the person they’re closest to, and it’s easier to do so.

In this way, you can be able to respect their ideas and opinions, so that your child experiences a feeling of respect and can give that respect to the people around him or her.

Tip 4: Set boundaries.

It is necessary to set boundaries when your child does not treat you respectfully.

However, it is important that you indicate this in a way that still makes the child feel like you are there for them.

For example, if the child starts cursing at you, you can say to him or her: “I like listening to you talk calmly.”

This shows that you want to be there for them, but that you expect them to talk to you normally and respectfully.

You want to maintain respect for yourself and communicate that to him or her.

Tip 5: Discuss the topic of respect

Ask or investigate what is going on in his/her head so that you can get a better idea of what is on his/her mind.

Look at what the child used to be like and what you liked and didn’t like.

What does respect mean for you and what does respect mean for your child?

What do you want from your child and what does your child want from you?

Discuss this topic with your child. Ask questions and give examples.

Tip 6: Use “time-outs” effectively

Parents often complain that “time outs” don’t work for their kids.

This is usually due to common errors when using the method, which makes it ineffective.

To start, a “time out” should come with a negative consequence.

If the child can have fun during that time (for example, watching TV, playing a game, or reading a book), then it is no longer “time out,” it is fun time!

Secondly, children should be ignored during the entire “time out.”

Parents who talk, look at or signal to the child during “time out” are giving the child attention that reinforces their behavior.

Thirdly, the child’s behavior during “time out” must be appropriate.

Parents who mistakenly let their child out of time-out, even though they are still crying and screaming, are not teaching their child that he or she must behave appropriately to get out of time-out.

Additionally, if the child leaves the “time-out” on his or her own before it has ended, you must return him or her to the “time-out” area.

Many parents give up when children exit time-out early, and assume that time-out doesn’t work.

Lastly, after the child’s “time out” is finished, they should go back to following the initial request or instruction that led to the “time out.”

Some parents let their kids do something else instead of the original task once the “time out” is done (like doing homework).

If you use “time-outs” consistently and follow the steps above (in addition to praising positive behavior and ignoring minor misbehaviors), you should increase your child’s obedience and decrease disrespect and aggression.

6 Reasons Why Your Kids Don’t Listen and Ways They Do Listen to You

There are times when you just don’t feel like discussing with your kids.

Regardless of your efforts, they simply refuse to listen. They do the exact opposite.

Your patience can wear thin when kids don’t listen, and you might wonder why they behave this way.

Here are six possible reasons, and we’ll also give you tips on how to address the problem right away.

1. They don’t hear you

That sounds very simple, but this can honestly be a reason why your kids don’t listen.

Do you shout from downstairs for them to clean their room?

Then there is a chance that they haven’t heard that when you come to check it an hour later.

To prevent this, make sure that you are sure that your child hears you.

That means: walking up to your child, asking if he or she could listen to you for a moment, and then telling them what you want from them.

If necessary, ask whether your child has understood what you are asking of them.

2. They don’t want to listen

A good example of this is when it’s time to tidy up.

Kids often don’t want to stop playing to clean up.

They might hear you but don’t want to do it because they’d rather keep playing.

To handle this, you can let them know you understand that cleaning up isn’t always fun, but it’s necessary.

When you show that you get why they don’t like it, you make them feel heard.

3. They don’t understand you

Sometimes, you might explain things with too many details, like “if this doesn’t happen, then that and that.”

This can be overwhelming for a child, and they might miss the main point, which is that you want something to be done.

To prevent this, explain clearly what you expect from your child.

To be sure, ask whether your child understands what you are asking of him or her at the moment.

4. They want to get their way

If your child isn’t listening, it might be because they want to do things their way.

Kids often like to be a bit rebellious and say ‘no’ to many things.

To avoid this, try offering choices.

Instead of saying, “You have to take a bath now,” ask if they want a shower or a bath. This way, they feel like they have some say in what they do.

5. They are too “busy”

Even if you don’t always realize it, your child might be engrossed in something important to them, like a game or imagination.

Just like us, they don’t like to be interrupted when they’re busy.

To make sure they listen, wait a bit or tell them in advance, like, “You have 5 more minutes to play with your train, then it’s time to clean up.”

Mentioning that you know they’re having fun helps, like saying, “I see you’re enjoying playing, but we have to go in 5 minutes, so you can play for that long.”

6. They don’t know the rules

Sometimes we forget that children are still young and still have a lot to learn.

We know that we cannot talk during a film in the cinema, but that does not necessarily make sense for children.

Therefore, before you go somewhere, whether it is the library or the cinema, tell the child what the rules are at that place.

This way, kids also have certain expectations in advance and it is much easier to ask on the spot whether they still know how to behave in that place.

What Is a Good Punishment for Being Disrespectful?

Punishments for disrespectful behavior in children should aim to teach them about appropriate behavior and consequences, rather than simply being punitive.

Here are some effective approaches:

1. Loss of Privileges

Temporarily taking away privileges, like screen time or a favorite toy, can be a consequence of disrespectful behavior.

2. Restitution

Encourage your child to make amends for their disrespectful behavior, such as apologizing or helping to fix any damage they caused.

3. Natural Consequences

Sometimes, allowing children to experience the natural consequences of their actions can be a valuable lesson.

For example, if they refuse to wear a coat on a cold day, they may feel cold and learn to make better choices.

4. Time-Out

A brief time-out can give your child a chance to calm down and reflect on their behavior.

This can be more effective than a harsh punishment.

5. Teach Problem-Solving

Teach your child how to resolve conflicts and express themselves respectfully.

Encourage them to use words to communicate their feelings and needs instead of resorting to disrespectful behavior.

6. Avoid Public Shaming

While it’s important to address disrespectful behavior, avoid embarrassing your child in front of others.

Instead, address the issue privately, where you can have a more constructive conversation.

What Characteristics Does a Punishment Have to Have For it to Work?

The punishments must be:

1. Planned

When we want to change a child’s behavior, it’s usually because we’ve noticed it happening repeatedly and causing problems.

So, we can plan for a consequence when we expect the behavior to occur.

This helps us avoid reacting in the heat of the moment when we might take away all their favorite things out of anger.

For instance, if a child is lazy with homework, we might restrict their TV time until they finish their schoolwork as a planned consequence.

2. Alternate punishments with rewards

Punishments alone don’t teach kids good habits; they just stop bad ones temporarily.

To help kids develop good habits, we need to reward and reinforce the behaviors we want to see.

For example, if they finish their homework on time, you can praise or reward them.

Combine rewards with consequences when necessary.

Both are needed to help kids learn and improve.

3. Warned

Whenever you’re making new rules for a child, it’s important to tell them about the rules, why they’re there, and what will happen if they break them.

Try to get the child involved in understanding the new rules by using drawings, cardboard, or even puppets to help them grasp the changes and what might happen if they don’t follow the rules.

This involvement can make things clearer and help them prepare for consequences if needed.

4. Effective

For a punishment to be effective, it needs to matter to the child.

It’s like the “force” of the punishment—the child has to care about what’s being taken away or added as a consequence.

Punishments often fail when they don’t affect the child much.

Effective punishments can involve taking away things the child likes, like no tablet or no TV, or making them do something they don’t like, like cleaning their room or using their allowance to replace something they broke.

These are examples of negative and positive punishments, respectively.

5. Systematic

Punishments are meant to help a child break a bad habit and build a new one.

To do this, the punishment needs to be consistent and applied every day.

It won’t work if you skip days just because you’re tired or want to avoid an argument.

For instance, if you’ve decided the child can’t watch TV until they finish their chore, you should stick to that rule every day until they’ve formed the habit of finishing their work.

This consistency helps the new habit take root.

6. Immediate

Let the punishment be immediate so that the child can relate the punishment to the behavior to be eliminated.

The younger the child, the more necessary it is for the punishment to be immediate.

Conclusion

You have learned how to deal with a child who won’t listen and is disrespectful, make sure you follow the tips given in this article to achieve a positive result.

How Do You Deal With a Child Who Won’t Listen and Is Disrespectful? (6 Easy Tips)