How Do You Help a Child Who Always Wants to Win? (7 Tips)

Some children are natural go-getters and others are not always.

This doesn’t mean you can’t encourage them to be more motivated and proactive.

The funny thing is that we humans are all born as go-getters, babies are pure go-getters.

They want to learn to hold their bottle no matter how many times it falls in their face, they keep trying.

Or what do you think of toddlers who want to learn to walk? The more often they fall, the more often they get up.

To me, the most important part of the definition of a go-getter is “goal setting.”

Setting effective goals is extremely important, both at school and in later life.

By setting goals with your child, you teach them to take responsibility for their learning and behavior.

You thereby increase the chance of success in their later lives and you help them develop a mindset that makes them aware of the fact that they are (largely) responsible for achieving their dreams.

I hereby share 7 tips to effectively set goals together with your child, track progress, and stay motivated together.

Let’s get started now!

1. Let your child think of the goal themselves

Allow your child to set their own goals.

It’s best if they decide what they want to achieve, especially when setting goals for the first time.

Imagine if someone told you that you had to learn a new language without your say.

You might not feel motivated because you don’t see the point.

Motivation is crucial for goals.

If you’re not motivated, it’s better not to set that goal.

As a parent, you can help by suggesting categories like ‘school’ or ‘home,’ but when you’re just starting, let it be fun and give the child complete freedom to choose their goals.

2. Make the goal attainable

When setting a goal for your child, make it clear.

Describe what they need to do in simple words so they understand it well.

Ensure the goal is something they can control or change themselves.

Explain why it’s important and what it will look like when they achieve it.

For some kids, it helps to set a time for the goal.

This way, you’re making a SMART goal: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

3. Discuss the intermediate steps

Big goals can be reached step by step, like climbing a ladder.

These smaller steps are like checkpoints that help your child see progress and stay motivated.

Just like a big goal, make sure these smaller steps are clear, evaluate them, and celebrate when your child achieves them.

Sometimes, as the child works on the smaller steps, you might realize you need to help him or her change their main goal.

That’s okay; make sure it’s still enjoyable and doable!

4. Discuss the profit of the goal

Think about why your child wants to achieve this goal.

When they see how it can make their life better, it keeps them motivated.

Imagine they’ve already achieved it—what positive changes do they see?

In other words, what does the goal give them?

This helps them stay motivated.

You can also do this with the smaller steps along the way, asking what each step brings them.

Studies show that when a goal can also help other people, most people are even more motivated to pursue it.

5. What are possible obstacles?

Every goal comes with challenges, or you’d already have achieved it.

So, it’s important to think about these challenges carefully.

Younger children might need examples to understand this, while older kids, around 9 years old, can start thinking about it.

What things could make reaching their goal harder, and what can help them?

Who can assist them when things get tough?

Challenges could be things like behavior, rules at home, or not always having what they need.

Also, talk with your child about the possibility of feeling like giving up and discuss ways to stay committed.

Figure out who or what can help them keep going.

6. Make it visual

Young kids can enjoy drawing lots of pictures or making a collage for their goals.

For older or less creative children, writing the goals down works too.

Put the goal where they can see it, like at the desk for schoolwork or in the kitchen for eating goals.

7. Appreciate the effort and celebrate progress

Sometimes, as adults, we can be a bit too hard on kids and forget that they already have a lot on their plate.

Children are driven by their feelings, so if we want to keep them motivated, we need to encourage them.

Compliment them for trying and putting in effort.

Tell them you’re proud of their hard work, and they inspire you.

But remember, they won’t always be motivated, and that’s okay.

Sometimes they need a break, and you can be proud of them for taking one.

Look at the challenges they face and figure out how to overcome them together.

Celebrate every small step that brings them closer to their goal.

Why Does My Child Want to Win All the Time?

Children often want to win all the time because winning feels good and brings a sense of accomplishment and pride.

Winning can boost their self-esteem and make them feel valued and respected.

Additionally, society often places a strong emphasis on winning as a measure of success.

It’s better to balance this desire for winning with other valuable lessons, such as good sportsmanship, teamwork, and the ability to handle losses gracefully.

Teaching your child that it’s okay not to win every time and that they can learn from losses is important for their personal and social development.

Encouraging a healthy attitude towards competition and emphasizing the importance of effort and improvement rather than just winning will help your child develop a well-rounded perspective on success and competition.

How Do You Teach Kids Winning Isn’t Everything?

Defeats are inevitable in life.

They have happened to all of us and will continue to happen to us amid the victories and achievements we have along our path.

Just as with us and our parents, these will also occur in the lives of our children and it will be our duty to teach them to get the best out of them, since defeats do not have to be seen as something negative.

There are lessons, skills, and virtues that we can draw from them, which will be very useful for the success of our children.

Here’s how to teach kids that winning isn’t everything:

1. Don’t avoid their frustration

Frustration is a valid and natural feeling when faced with defeat, so we should not criticize our children for the simple fact of feeling it.

What we must direct is their way of channeling it so that it is always healthy, but let us remember to validate their sadness or annoyance, because from there will come the desire to do better when the goal is attempted again.

2. Let them experience victory and defeat

Some parents try to shield their kids from feeling sad when they lose or fail at something.

Nevertheless, it’s essential not to overdo it.

Kids should learn that they can both win and lose.

So, we shouldn’t always let them win in games, and we shouldn’t make them think they have to win all the time.

3. Lead by example

Kids won’t understand the idea of learning from losing if we, as parents, don’t show them how it’s done.

We should demonstrate that we, too, have faced setbacks and failures on our journey to where we are today.

4. Let the child try new things

Allow your child to try new things.

Nobody becomes known for something they never attempted.

Trying and striving for a goal is the most crucial part because even if they don’t succeed, the experience teaches valuable lessons that can help them in the future or different areas of life.

5. Teach the child not to get angry when he or she loses

It’s okay for kids to feel frustrated, upset, or sad when they lose or fail.

But we should teach them how to handle these emotions.

We want these feelings to be temporary and motivate them to have a better attitude and try again.

6. Teach the child perseverance

We should teach our children that success isn’t about always winning, but about never giving up and trying to improve every day, even when facing challenges and losses.

The most important thing is the willingness to get better.

7. Teach them to learn from their defeats

Show them how to learn from losses. When we fail, there’s something to learn – maybe we need more knowledge, practice, or effort.

Defeats should make us think about what we can improve for next time. Life often offers second chances, but we need to be ready when they come.

Activities For Children to Learn to Be Good Losers

Helping kids understand and cope with failure is a process that should start when they are very young.

Simple games and activities can help build their resilience and get them ready to handle losses better.

1. Video game

The idea that video games are bad for kids is becoming less common.

Parents should understand that these games, with their exciting worlds and characters, can help children learn to handle losses and keep trying.

When used in moderation, like any other activity, video games can have valuable benefits that we shouldn’t overlook.

2. Sports

Children learn to deal with losing through sports, which are excellent for their emotional, physical, and overall well-being.

In sports, you face competition where you can win or lose against others or even yourself when setting personal records.

Sometimes you’ll win, and other times you won’t, but the key is to keep trying and not give up when you face defeat if you want to get better.

3. Table games

If you want an activity that doesn’t involve computers and can be enjoyed with the family, board games are great.

They offer fun, whether you win or lose.

Each board game challenges different skills and strategies, so your child will want to keep playing, learn from losses, and aim to win as they improve.

4. Children’s programming

Playing video games is one thing, but teaching kids to program is different.

It means they’re not just using technology; they’re creating it, which involves writing lines of code.

In programming, making mistakes and facing failures is normal while working on apps, programs, or games.

These setbacks are part of the process of creating amazing things in the tech world.

The Benefits of Knowing How to Lose for Children

Having our children face their defeats well can generate a series of benefits for their personal growth and development.

I’ll tell you about it now!

1. Feel supported

Part of knowing how to lose for children is having the peace of mind that the people who love them will still be there, supporting them, and that their love and support are not only due to the achievements they can obtain.

2. Strengthen their personal development

Defeats are just as important as victories to shape children’s character and their way of approaching life.

In that sense, knowing how to lose will help them make the best of each situation, whether favorable or unfavorable.

3. Learn to value the moments

Knowing how to lose will teach your child to value not only the goals but also the journeys, even if what was proposed has not been achieved.

This way, the child will know that every effort is worth it and that failures also leave important lessons for when they try again.

4. Improve their social interactions

It’s important to understand that opponents aren’t enemies.

Learning to lose helps kids have good relationships with people they compete against in various things.

It also teaches them to be humble and take inspiration from others who set good examples.

5. Improve communication with their parents

Pushing our kids too hard is not helpful.

Children should know that they can make mistakes or fail in a project without their parents being overly critical.

This is important for their emotional well-being and a good parent-child relationship.

6. Assume a positive attitude in the face of failure

A child who can handle losing always gains something from it.

They learn valuable lessons that make their efforts worthwhile.

This helps them cope with frustration and tough times.

With a positive attitude, they grow and live a happier life.

Conclusion

Children always want to win, but you should teach them how to cope with failures because life is not always about winning.

Don’t put them under pressure to win either.