Do you want to know if it’s time for a divorce? It is time for a divorce when both of you no longer agree on anything in the marriage.
Adam Peters, my long time friend, got divorced three years ago in the UK.
Peters and his wife were finding it difficult to accept each other’s opinion in their marriage.
The problem continued for a long time. After many consultations and advice, they divorced and went their separate ways.
Peters got married to another woman six months ago, and he told me that he is happier now.
In this article, I will share with you more about divorce and life after divorce.
Read also: 5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Consider Divorce (The Sad Experience Of Olivia From South Carolina)
Let’s go on now.
Here are other signs that shows that it is time for divorce:
1. Cheating
2. Frequent fights
3. Domestic violence
4. Lack of communication
5. Lack of love
Is Divorce Better Than Unhappiness
No, divorce is not better than unhappiness.
On the other hand, different people have different experiences when it comes to divorce. Divorce can favor you, and it can also not favor you.
Reasons why we stay in an unhappy marriage
1. Because of the children.
Many people in unhappy marriages say they stay with their spouse because of their children.
They don’t know how their children will respond, don’t have a clear understanding of how child custody will work in their case, or are afraid of losing their relationship with their children after the divorce.
Once we become parents, much of our decision-making focuses on how a particular decision will affect our children. Nobody wants to see them sad and scared.
2. Because of happy memories.
The funny thing about memories is that we only remember certain things, the really good stuff and the really bad stuff.
All the moments in between just blend together.
So when you look back at the life you’ve built with your spouse, there are some key memories and moments that come to mind.
The good memories you shared together will make you want to stay in an unhappy marriage.
3. Because of fear.
Regardless of what other reason your brain may generate for you, the number reason we stay in unhappy marriages is fear.
Fear of change, fear of loss, fear of what your future will be like without your spouse. You shouldn’t be ashamed of being afraid.
Fear is what prevents us from making really good decisions in our lives.
What Age Is Worst For Divorce
The worst age for divorce is from 0 – 2 YEARS
If your child is less than two years old, he/she will need the physical contact of both parents very much.
Separating him/her early from one of the two due to divorce will lead to difficulties in his development, especially in the cognitive aspect.
It is important to try to make the separation less traumatic by giving the child the opportunity to see both parents .
According to clinical psychologist, Cláudia Bianco Simone, from São Paulo (SP), when very young, children are still forming their bonds and starting to recognize their parents.
To fill this gap, it is important that the couple should be as present as possible in the child’s life, in order to form bonds of trust and love.
What Is The Toughest Part Of Divorce
The toughest part of divorce is telling your partner that you want a divorce.
You’ve known for a while that your marriage just really isn’t working anymore.
You want a divorce, but how are you going to tell your partner? This first step is perhaps the most difficult.
Always tell your partner in person, no matter how scary it is.
Make it clear that you want a divorce by also saying that you no longer want to be with him or her.
This sounds harsh, but only ‘I want a divorce’ is often not heard or taken seriously.
The message ‘my partner wants to divorce me’ may not really get through to your partner until weeks later.
Give your partner space to let everything sink in, so that he or she can also think about how to proceed.
The following steps are important to take when you want to divorce your partner:
1. Tell your partner
2. Find the right attorney for your divorce
3. Apply for the divorce
4. Make a financial plan
5. Make arrangements about the children
6. Go to court
7. Make the divorce final
What Do Men Do After A Divorce
Men party excessively and go out with other women after a divorce.
Here are the two things men do after divorce:
1. Excessive partying
Many men party excessively after divorce and can practically only be found in bars and clubs.
They supposedly catch up on what they missed during their relationship — at least that’s how they put it.
In reality, they just drown their sorrows in alcohol.
2. One night stands
One-night stands are often not far away.
Men tend to really let off steam with other women after the marriage ends and don’t let anything get in the way.
This gives the impression that the man is already over his ex-wife and just happy to be able to have fun with other women again.
While women tend to feel more pain than men after divorce, they tend to recover more quickly.
Men, on the other hand, don’t really concern themselves with post-divorce healing, and as a result tend to suffer for a long time much longer than the women.
Are Men Usually Happier After Divorce
Men are not happier after divorce.
Women only stay in an unhappy phase for a short time, while many men stay in it for quite a long time.
Staying for many months is even possible if the man doesn’t handle the divorce properly.
Just when he was abandoned, an immense unhappiness overcame him.
This is a reaction to the severe hurt he felt at being abandoned.
In this phase of unhappiness, it is therefore not uncommon for the ex-wife to find an angry message from him on her cell phone in the middle of the night.
Or he calls her totally drunk and insults her.
However, this anger is mostly directed against himself: he realizes what he has done wrong in the relationship and blames himself.
At the same time, many men do not want to let it be known that the separation is bothering them.
Unfortunately, the view that men should not show weakness still prevails. “Men don’t cry” is usually taught to little boys.
So they hide their true feelings behind a mask of anger. They just try to swallow their sorrow and pain.
Society still prescribes far too much how men and women should behave in a gender-specific manner.
While women are allowed to cry, men come across as weak when they show their emotions and openly express their grief at the end of their most recent relationship.
So it’s not surprising that many men deal with their grief on their own and don’t tell anyone how bad it really is for them.
They want to appear like they are strong and that they don’t mind the divorce at all.
Will I Be Happier If I Leave My Husband
Yes you can be happier if you leave your husband.
In a survey, 73% of women said they were satisfied and happy after divorce, while only 51% of men could say the same.
What the researchers noticed was that women would rather be alone and happy than in an unhappy relationship.
Compared to men who are afraid of being alone after getting used to it or having been “tamed” by a marriage.
How to be happy after divorce
1. Do not isolate yourself
Of course, once a traumatic divorce occurs, the person tends to isolate, hide, remain hidden inside the house, but it is something that should be avoided at all costs.
2. You have to learn to channel the pain of loss
In the opinion of psychotherapist Tortolero, pain is a powerful defense mechanism that can be channeled to motivate us to overcome the sadness and depression of loss.
But she made special emphasis that it is not about denying what one feels, but using it to help the divorcee grow as an individual.
3. Dedicate time to pleasant activities
To regain well-being, there is nothing better than devoting time to activities that give us pleasure.
It can be reading, walking, playing with pets, visiting friends, going to the beach or simply getting involved in any activity that is rewarding and that help the divorcee feel better.
4. Avoid the feeling of guilt
Guilt must be put aside, life goes on.
How To Get Divorced In The UK
The UK divorce process is now online and all applications can be made using the government portal.
The couples have to choose one of the 5 offences for filing for divorce:
1. Separation for at least 5 years.
2. Abandoning the home for at least 2 years.
3. Separation for 2 years as long as the couple agree to divorce.
4. The other partner has committed adultery.
5. The behavior of the other partner is unbearable.
The judge must verify the facts alleged by the complainant (claimant) and possibly by the other spouse (defendant) as best he can.
If the judge believes that proof of the irreversible breakdown of the marriage relationship has been provided, he issues a divorce decree.
If the judge believes that the irreversible rupture of the marriage relationship has been proven, he will initially issue a “decree nisi” (a provisional decree).
After six weeks it is possible to request that the decree be declared irrevocable (“decree absolute”).
There are no time limits for submitting this last application.
However, if the application for an irrevocable decree is submitted more than 12 months after the provisional decree, the applicant is required to provide a written explanation that:
• Indicate the reasons for the delay.
• Clarify whether he/she has lived with the spouse after the issuing of the provisional decree and, if so, in what period of time.
The family court may require the applicant to make an affidavit substantiating the explanation given.
One of the risks with the new online divorce system is that many people are filing their own divorces but don’t realize that separation and division of property is not handled automatically.
In these circumstances, people can get divorced but still run the risk of their ex-spouse taking a separation/division of property action against them.
Conclusion
It is not so easy to go through divorce process. You have to be patient and keep on going gradually, and in no distant time you will have positive results.