Do you want to know if your spouse is serious about divorce? Your spouse is serious about divorce if he/she wants to separate from you.
I met a Cab driver last year in Kansas. He told me that his wife has been separated from him for two years now.
He didn’t know that his wife was serious about divorce until she separated from him for two years, and eventually they divorced four months ago.
In this article, I will share more tips with you.
Read also: How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Beyond Repair (9 Real Signs)
Let’s go on now.
Here are the signs that shows that your spouse is serious about divorce:
1. When they want to live away from you.
2. If they fight or quarrel with you regularly.
3. If they are cheating on you.
4. If they don’t want to talk with you.
5. If they refuse to have sex with you.
6. If they are telling you about divorce.
7. If they want to have a personal bank account.
Who Gets It Worse In A Divorce
Men get it worse in a divorce. This is because divorce affects men more than it affects women.
Women can heal within two months of divorce, but men can stay up to a year before they can heal completely from the hurt.
Women have friends and family members who will welcome and console her after divorce.
Men often bear the pain alone because society sees them as stronger beings.
Another reason why men get it worse is because they are not expressive. They hide their feelings so that the public will see them as superman.
Women on the other hand can cry and seek help. And this helps them to do better than men after divorce.
Most men go into drinking a lot of alcohol after divorce just to feel better and happy. But this is a very wrong approach to deal with divorce.
Some men remarry without healing from the previous hurt. This is the reason why most men are unhappy in their second marriage.
How Damaging Is Divorce
Divorce can affect you psychologically especially if you are not the one that initiated it.
The person who initiates divorce doesn’t normally have problems compared to the other partner.
Here are various way in which divorce can damage someone:
1. Depression: After divorce, most people become depressed.
Especially if they don’t have good friends and family members who are going to help them at this moment.
2. Lack of sleep: Divorces can cause insomnia in some people. This is inability to sleep due to the pain of divorce and heartbreak.
3. Financial set back: You can lose a lot of money during divorce processes.
This includes: cost of attorney, sharing of assets and alimony. It is difficult for most people to bounce back financially after divorce.
4. Loss of memory: Divorce can cause loss of memory if it is not taken care of properly. This makes the divorcee forget important things most of the time.
You should see a counsellor after divorce to help you heal and also to avoid these four problems mentioned above.
Does Divorce Hurt
Yes, divorce hurts. Divorce is very painful. If you are planning a divorce, you should have a backup plan on how to heal.
If you don’t plan how to heal after divorce, you may not have a successful life, and it will be difficult for you to go into another relationship due to the past hurt.
Here are how divorce hurts:
1. Loss of appetite: You may lose appetite after divorce because you are going through a painful experience.
2. You may not see your kids again: This happens when there are no proper arrangements to be seeing your kids after divorce. Their absence is going to hurt you.
3. You will miss your partner: No matter what causes the separation, you must miss your partner.
You will remember the good times you shared together with each other, and that will hurt you.
4. Loneliness: You won’t have someone to share your life with again because your partner has gone.
5. Financial burden will be heavy on you: You will pay all the bills alone without anyone helping you.
What Are The 4 Emotional Stages Of Divorce
Here are the 4 emotional stages of divorce;
1. Regrets: You will regret things that have been said and done, or things that have not been said or done.
You feel that doing or not doing these things could have changed the current situation, or perhaps even prevented the divorce
2. Anger: You are furious at your partner, at yourself, actually at everything and everyone.
3. Acceptance: You start to get used to the new situation.
You are no longer upset all the time and you are moving on from the divorce more and more.
4. Forgiveness: You begin to come to terms with yourself and the situation.
You slowly manage to let go of the divorce and you become more and more successful in forgiving yourself and your ex.
These are the four stages you must pass through after a divorce. This is not to discourage you, but that’s the reality of life after divorce.
What Divorce Does To A Woman Emotionally
Here are what divorce does to a woman emotionally:
1. Sadness: The woman will be very sad about the divorce and the betrayal from her ex-husband, if he is the one that causes the problem which leads to the divorce.
2. Denial: A grieving process often starts with a feeling of denial and bitterness.
‘This won’t happen to me, will it?’ This is the kind of question you might be asking yourself after divorce.
3. Anger: This can be anger towards the (ex-) husband as well as towards yourself.
It makes the woman get angry unnecessarily with anything and with everyone around her.
4. Fear: This is another emotional effect of divorce in women. She will be afraid to fall in love again and try a new relationship.
5. Love: As crazy as it sounds, women tend to love themselves more after divorce. This is because she is free to do whatever she wants.
6. Joy: This is another crazy feeling that women have after a divorce.
They become happy, at least they won’t deal with the husband’s weaknesses and bad habits again. Divorce is a relief for most women.
7. Surprise: They will be surprised at the whole thing; how they found the courage to accept divorce, how the husband allows them to go easily and how they are able to cope.
What Pushes A Woman To Divorce
There are two major things that pushes a woman to divorce:
1. Women are less tolerant of their partner’s bad behaviour: Studies have shown that women tolerate their partner’s bad behavior less than men do.
By bad behavior we mean a controlling role of a man, jealousy and things like cheating.
Although studies have shown that both men and women have an equal tendency to cheat, women are somewhat less forgiving than their partner.
The same studies have also shown that women who cheat are more likely to bond with their new partner, which can lead to divorce.
2. Desire for freedom: Many women work and aspire to achieve greatness in their career, this makes them see marriage and their husbands as a barrier.
They push for divorce so as to have the freedom they desire in achieving their goals.
How Divorce Affects Children
The ill effects of divorce can be long lasting for children and can affect their own relationships.
Studies have shown that these children have a significantly higher chance of going through a divorce themselves later on.
Children who witness a divorce can be confused by the thought of not seeing their parents together anymore.
Here are ways in which divorce can affect children:
1. Fear: The aftermath of a divorce leaves the child tense, nervous, and anxious.
Young children are more sensitive to it than the older ones because they are highly dependent on both parents.
An anxious child will find it difficult to concentrate at school and may lose interest in activities they once enjoyed.
2. Constant stress: Many children mistakenly consider themselves the reason for their parents’ divorce, and feel responsible to restore the relationship between the parents.
This can lead to enormous stress and pressure on the young mind, which can have various consequences such as negative thoughts and nightmares.
3. Mood swings and irritability: Young children may experience mood swings and become irritable, even when interacting with familiar people.
Some children withdraw and don’t talk to anyone anymore. They close themselves off. The child becomes quiet and prefers to spend time alone.
4. Intense sadness: Acute grief rushes through the child’s heart and mind. The feeling of sadness is going to make the children slip into depression.
5. Disillusionment and fear: Divorce can make children feel hopeless and disillusioned because they don’t have the extensive emotional support of their parents.
This situation can be made worse if the child is cared for by a single parent with no contact with the other parent.
Things can get difficult for a child who sees their parents bickering and breaking up.
Their minds are still cloudy, that is, they are easily influenced by the events around them.
Divorce can negatively affect the mental and physical health of the children, but sometimes divorced parents are much better than arguing parents.
Because if the parents are always arguing, then this also has harmful consequences for the children.
How To Get Divorce Immediately
Here are how to get divorce immediately:
1. Plan for a life after divorce: Before you ask your spouse to divorce you, be prepared to plan your post-divorce life.
This will enable the process of divorce to be fast on your side. Specifically, you should consider the following:
– Place to live.
– How to save money.
– Securing other income sources for financial freedom.
– Kindergartens and schools for children.
2. Discuss divorce only with your partner: The secret to a quick divorce is to have only the two of you discuss the divorce.
Having both parents present or bringing relatives into the discussion only complicates matters and makes the divorce process more difficult and slow.
The more people there are, the more varied opinions there will be, and no matter how long it takes, it will be impossible to come to a conclusion.
If you want to get a quick divorce, you shouldn’t involve friends and family members. Let the discussion be between you and your partner.
3. Use negotiation skills and do not let your partner make excuses: In order to get your partner to accept the divorce, the trick is to use negotiation skills well.
It is also effective to prepare words that can be refuted when your partner says why they do not want to divorce.
4. Divorce by agreement : There are three types of divorce methods: divorce by agreement, divorce by mediation, and divorce by trial.
If the couple can agree to divorce, divorce by agreement is the fastest way to get a divorce because the couple can discuss it every day if they are willing to discuss it.
Even if your partner does not agree to divorce, if you want to divorce as soon as possible, you need to continue to discuss and make an effort to divorce by agreement.
5. Firmly claim the wedding expenses: Marriage expenses are the cost of living that the person with the higher income pays to the person with the lower income.
If your partner does not accept the divorce immediately, start living separately and claim the marriage expenses.
6. Postpone things that can be postponed: This is also an effective method for those who want to get a divorce quickly to decide what can be postponed after the divorce.
Since property division and child support can be requested even after divorce, it is a way to put off the money issue and settle the divorce first.
In this case, just be aware that there is a statute of limitations on the claim, and make sure to file a claim with the court before the statute of limitations comes.
7. Consult with a lawyer who is familiar with divorce issues: It is also recommended to consult with a lawyer who is familiar with divorce issues in order to finalize the divorce as soon as possible.
If the discussion between the two of you is not progressing, you can receive advice on how to overcome any obstacle and to proceed with the divorce in your favor.
Also, if you wish to obtain alimony or child support at the time of divorce, there is a possibility that a lawyer will negotiate with your partner on your behalf.
Does The Wife Get More In A Divorce
No, the wife doesn’t get more in a divorce. The division of property and assets is determined by the law of the state in which the divorce is filed.
In this case many factors are considered, like the length of the marriage and earning potential.
After a divorce, women generally suffer the hardest financially.
Their purchasing power decreases more than that of men after a divorce.
Women also leave the joint home more often than men.
This is evident from research, which was carried out between 2014 and 2019.
Both immediately after the divorce and 5 years later, women have to absorb the biggest financial blows of a divorce.
These results come from a study that followed people who got divorced in 2014 until the end of 2019 .
Only men and women aged 25 to 60 were considered.
When analyzing the results, account was taken of the differences between households, for example in terms of the number of children.
The research shows that the purchasing power of women is about 29% lower than that of divorced men one year after the divorce .
The main reason for this is that the ex-husband often earns more than the wife and that this income disappears after the divorce.
In addition, the fact that the children more often continue to live with the woman also contributes somewhat.
Although child support reduces its impact in terms of costs.
Even after five years there is still a difference in purchasing power
What about the differences in purchasing power after that first year?
Most women see their purchasing power increase more quickly afterwards.
This is often because they start working more hours. Another reason is that many (especially younger) women start living together again.
Despite this faster increase in purchasing power, there is still a difference between men and women.
Five years after the divorce, women are still stuck at 21% less purchasing power than men who divorced in the same year.
Conclusion
Remember that divorce is a very hard decision to make. Be patient and be consistent as you go through the process.